Jennah (?) Stadium (who was in charge of ticket sales?) A clean sheet that even the Serena would be happy with.

The Golf club for some naked golf, really very surprised to find we even worse at Golf than Football. Expected Stuart Hall and Eddie Waring to turn up at any moment.

Extreme weather conditions at top of Loweri Pass (Extremely clear, Extremely calm), all planes grounded forever, decided to walk.

Will persuade everyone I know in Kensington and Chelsea to confound Ken and donate their 4x4's to the needy Kalashi Valley tribes.

Woke in open air with clear view of the Himalayas, suddenly hear a series of load explosions, silent fears come true as arse turns inside-out (and looks none the better for it) (No photo Allah be praised! - Ed). Later get bored in goal so threw the ball into own net for a laugh.

After 45 minutes of haggling Chris Lindsay turns my world upside-down and pays a guy more that the opening price for some blankets. Saif, (a generation ahead of his time) hauls 15 men and their kit (minus Chris's blankets) back across the pass by piggy-back with both feet hacked off because PIA couldn't handle a flight the average 12 year-old with a play station could easily manage.

Not asked to play in goal (was it that obvious?), however thought that Simon also showed clear signs of boredom towards the end.

Squad suddenly down to 1 hung around in reception at 3 pm just in case. Found the bar at the Marriot, caught up on some drinking, figure prominently in Pakistani wedding video.